|Life & Loss
||[Sep. 13th, 2004|10:02 pm]
|||||"So Cold" Breaking Benjamin||]|
Where the hell are you?
I haven't seen you in almost a week. I wouldn't be worried about you, except you...
No note. No word. Nothing. You just disappeared off the face of the earth.
I can only guess that either Michael has killed you or taken you (which he would have already gloated about to me, profusely) or your brother has you.
Maybe, you just ...skipped out?
I don't know. My heart tells me you wouldn't do that, anymore than I would to you.
I just don't know anymore.
I'm so fucking tired of being so god damned confused and angry. For so many reasons. The only thing that makes sense is the love I have for you. The rightness of you at my side.
I almost lost you to that bastard of an angel. Michael, your timing is as impeccable as it has always been. Almost watching you die....
Angel, I can't endanger you.
I just want to know that you are safe and alive. I can feel that you are alive even if I don't know it for a fact. Safe, I don't know. It's eating at me, baby.
I don't understand why I am even worrying or caring or feeling anything at all. Love does this, doesn't it?
It makes you feel things and care about people other than your own neck. Funny, fucked up thing about love. I always thought it was about choice until I met you.
Hell, until I met you I only believed in lust at first sight or fuck, never love. Now, I just believe again.
And I don't know what the hell to do with all these conflicting emotions inside of me now.
Most of it is going back to being the angel I once was as compared to the angel I have become here on earth. Both are vastly different and bringing me a wealth of confusion on top of everything else.
We're both alive. I'll annoy Asher when I see him next to see if he knows where you are and if you are alive or dead. I have a club to run and a life to live. For us, I can at least do that much.
Fuck the rest of the world.
I need a bit of time away from all of this, angel. I know you'll understand and maybe....
If Michael manages to catch up with me while I am away from my normal city...
Maybe he will leave you the hell alone.
I can only hope, baby.
I'm still the man I've always been since I was created out of the lifespark of heaven. All that's changed is my perspective. The heart and spirit have only grown more world weary and cynical.
Until you, I didn't even believe I was capable of letting anyone in again. I didn't want to. I fought so long and so hard against letting another being touch me how you have.
And now that its happened, everything is mixed up and inside out.
That doesn't stop me from moving on. I just keep moving. Rolling over and letting the world kick my ass never has been my strong point. Letting it kiss my ass is another matter entirely.
I need a vacation.
Maybe...if only you could go with me..